Snow-Kissed Rose (GL) Chapter 45.1

If I know where my key is, should I retrieve it?

When faced with this question, Song Yingshi replied without hesitation, "Of course."

Based on this question, Song Yingshi could tell that something must be bothering Huai Xu.

Setting aside whether this problem was related to the first public performance, since Huai Xu knew how to resolve this problem, why should she avoid tackling it? Even if she could evade this problem now, what should she do the next time it appeared?

"Hold on a second," Song Yingshi suddenly added before walking over to the camera in the room.

Previously, whenever Song Yingshi found it inconvenient to be filmed or before she went to bed, she would cover the camera with a piece of clothing.

This time, to prevent the production crew from eavesdropping on their conversation, Song Yingshi pulled the camera plug completely.

After dealing with the eavesdropping camera, Song Yingshi returned to Huai Xu's side, grabbed Huai Xu's hand, and led Huai Xu to sit down on the edge of the bed. Then, facing Huai Xu, who was a younger girl in her eyes, she said frankly, "If you want to talk, I'm all ears."

After saying so, Song Yingshi waited patiently for Huai Xu's response.

Opening up to someone took a lot of courage, so Song Yingshi didn't rush Huai Xu. Amidst the silence, she gently rubbed Huai Xu's hand, trying to silently transfer some strength to Huai Xu. Because of this, she discovered that Huai Xu's hand was warmer and softer than usual, likely because Huai Xu had just come out of the shower.

After the silence continued for some time, Song Yingshi decided to lighten the mood, saying, "You're only 18. You've never been in a formal relationship. Not only that, but you've even encountered Song Ming, someone who doesn't seem to love you at all. So, it's understandable that you don't know how to express your emotions in a love song."

The emotions in Huai Xu's "Falling Asleep" were immature and hazy, representing a love that had yet to begin.

On the other hand, "Halfway Up the Mountain" was a song of deep affection and hopelessness. It told the story of an encounter between two people who failed to walk hand in hand till the very end.

On their way back, Song Yingshi repeatedly compared the two songs. In the end, she vaguely concluded that Huai Xu's problem with expressing herself had something to do with her emotional experience.

More specifically, was Huai Xu having trouble finding the key to release her love because she had never experienced genuine and normal love?

Having seen Huai Xu's life as the novel's protagonist, Song Yingshi tried to put herself in Huai Xu's perspective. In a gentle voice, she continued, "Then, you met me..."

While Song Yingshi was immersed in her thoughts, she failed to notice that, the moment she said this line, Huai Xu's eyelashes trembled momentarily.

"...and I made you sign a contract."

Song Yingshi couldn't help but feel a little guilty when she spoke up to this point. However, there was no evading what she had done, so she forced a chuckle to avoid making the atmosphere too heavy.

"I'm sorry for giving you a bad experience."

Objectively speaking, Song Yingshi's actions also benefited Huai Xu. However, not all wrongs could be offset with rights. Whenever she thought of this, she would be more tolerant of Huai Xu.

Of course, now that they were friends, Song Yingshi felt that it would be much easier for her to make amends to Huai Xu.

"What about now?" Huai Xu asked in a slightly hoarse voice.

"Now?" Song Yingshi was puzzled.

Huai Xu leaned forward, unleashing an oppressive aura with her lean frame and frosty expression. Yet, her eyes appeared blurred and sentimental as she said, "I don't care about the past. All I want to know is, Song Yingshi, what do you want from me?"

Song Yingshi initially didn't think too deeply about Huai Xu's question. However, just as she was about to give her answer, she noticed the affection in Huai Xu's eyes, and the words that were about to reach her lips vanished. At the same time, alarm bells started to ring in her head.

No! Something's not right!

A jumble of thoughts and memories flashed in Song Yingshi's mind, causing her breathing to accelerate and grow disordered.

Their encounters, the many stories that happened on rainy nights, the new Provisional Romantic Partner Contract, and Huai Xu's "retaliations" by strictly adhering to the contract's clauses—

When did Huai Xu stop resisting her, like when they first met?

And since when did Huai Xu become so proactive?

Actively responding to her touch, actively giving her rewards, actively...confiding in her.

Was the reason behind all these changes really as she had assumed—that their relationship had changed from employer and employee to friends?

As Song Yingshi reflected on the past, more questions and details started to surface.

However, Huai Xu seemed disinclined to give Song Yingshi more time to think. Pressing closer, she exuded a dangerous air as she whispered like a lover, "I have long wanted to ask you, Song Yingshi, why haven't you touched me yet?"

Song Yingshi choked.

In the face of the unavoidable reality, Song Yingshi's mind blanked.

Meanwhile, Huai Xu silently pondered over her own question.

—Why hadn't Song Yingshi touched her?

Initially, Huai Xu didn't give the question much thought. However, after multiple probing attempts that led to confusing results, though she hated to admit it, she started to feel resentful. Eventually, this question became a ghost that haunted her mind constantly.

On their first encounter, Huai Xu thought Song Yingshi's reason for keeping her was the same as Song Ming's—her face and her body. Although Song Yingshi's subsequent behavior showed that this was seemingly the case, Song Yingshi never tried to cross the line.

Song Yingshi had hired the best instructors for her, attended training with her, participated in the show with her, and even shared the same bedroom with her.

They were rarely ever apart.

Any third party would assume they were incredibly close looking at their interactions.

However, Huai Xu knew that there was a clear separation between them.

For a long time, Huai Xu never bothered to think about the underlying reason for this separation. After all, what did Song Yingshi's thoughts matter to her?

But later on, during that tormentful night...

Despite Huai Xu's rational attempts to refrain from inappropriate conduct, Song Yingshi still intruded on her personal space and initiated physical contact, turning her mind into a mess and disrupting her sleep.

However, this situation also created an opportunity for Huai Xu to recall Song Yingshi's every action, every gaze, and every word. She even recalled the moments of Song Yingshi's sudden pauses and sudden distractions, trying to dissect every second of their time together and look at it under a microscope.

Huai Xu also attempted to understand the logic behind Song Yingshi's behavior, but Song Yingshi's many inexplicable actions prevented her from ever reaching a plausible conclusion.

The only thing Huai Xu was sure of was that Song Yingshi did not love her.

Although Huai Xu could sense Song Yingshi's fondness for her, she could tell it hadn't reached a level where it could be considered love. It was more akin to how a person "liked" and "desired" an adorable cat or dog they encountered by the roadside.

In fact, Huai Xu strongly believed this to be the case when they first met. And for someone as affluent as Song Yingshi, keeping her was an insignificant cost.

After finally coming to this conclusion that night, Huai Xu didn't know how she managed to fall asleep in the end. She also had no idea how she was able to face Song Yingshi normally the next day.

Looking back, it was as if she finally understood something before forgetting it immediately.

When facing Song Yingshi, Huai Xu found that she behaved so cowardly that it bordered on comical.

Their relationship after that night remained unchanged. Song Yingshi's smiles remained as sweet and gentle as ever, and Huai Xu would inevitably find herself swept up by the whirlpool known as Song Yingshi, losing control of herself.

Huai Xu would often forget that she was dispensable to Song Yingshi.

Song Yingshi didn't have her in her heart; Huai Xu knew this better than anyone else.

This remained true, even to this day and this moment.

After some time passed in silence, Huai Xu lifted Song Yingshi's chin with a finger, forcing the other party to meet her gaze as she asked, "Song Yingshi, what exactly is your aim?"

Since Song Yingshi asked her to retrieve her key, Huai Xu decided she would get to the bottom of her confusion.

Huai Xu's heart was already close to bursting from emotions. It was just that she dared not share these emotions with Song Yingshi. This was also why she couldn't properly sing "Halfway Up the Mountain" during rehearsal.

After all, Song Yingshi sat among the audience. If Huai Xu were to sing a love song to her heart's content, she'd practically be confessing to Song Yingshi.

At Huai Xu's question, Song Yingshi responded in a weak, hesitant, and bewildered voice, "Huai Xu, is there a misunderstanding between us? I don't like girls."

It was a straightforward response, and the instant Huai Xu heard it, her heart stopped beating.

Huai Xu thought of many ways Song Yingshi could answer her question. However, she had never expected such a response.

"Why did you have me become your lover?" Huai Xu asked, her face looking like her soul had left her body.

"I..." Song Yingshi struggled to come up with a response. "I've never harbored any ill will towards you! Many of my actions might have troubled you, but I sincerely see you as my friend! I wish to see you become better, to see you debut and succeed—"

"So, the wealthy young lady decided to help the poor on a whim?" Huai Xu chuckled.

Song Yingshi was stunned by Huai Xu's question, her mouth opening and closing in bewilderment.

In reality, even Huai Xu herself had no idea how she could make a joke in this situation.

As the invisible air flowed between them, Huai Xu's bubbling blood cooled down gradually to the point of freezing. As for her burning emotions, they ultimately burned until nothing but ashes remained.

Huai Xu chuckled again.

What was the point of all this?

Things turned out far more ridiculous and worse than she had imagined.

She had never been lucky. Good luck had never befell upon her.

What was she even thinking, hoping for the person she liked to reciprocate her feelings?

How could she delude herself into thinking she deserved such a luxury?

It was only normal for the dazzling and wonderful Song Yingshi not to like her.

As for who deserved Song Yingshi's affection? What did it matter to her?

It wouldn't be her anyway.

An elder once told Huai Xu that she was too intelligent and able to understand things too quickly. While this wasn't necessarily a detriment, it made her too indifferent. Once a person had everything figured out, their emotions tended to become muted.

Pain and pleasure were not always opposites; they could sometimes coexist, advancing and retreating together.

When Huai Xu thought of this, she was glad for her intelligence and indifference. Without them, she doubted she could stand up and walk away from Song Yingshi in this situation.

As Huai Xu made her way to the door, a voice came from behind her, "Huai Xu, you..."

Song Yingshi sounded hesitant. After a slight pause, she stammered, "Do you like girls? Do you...like me?"

Huai Xu stood still in silence.

Song Yingshi dared not step forward to confront Huai Xu, choosing to stare at Huai Xu's back as she tentatively waited for Huai Xu's answer.

This was the first time Song Yingshi had felt so anxious. Not even when she was walking up to receive her Best Actress Award had she been so nervous!

However, with things as they were, Song Yingshi felt she needed to get a clear picture of the situation.

After a while, Song Yingshi heard Huai Xu chuckling and saying, "That's right, I like women."

Song Yingshi felt a weight being lifted from her heart.

Then, Huai Xu continued in a tone nearing arrogance, "I like you, Miss Song. Do you find it ridiculous?"