Chapter 370 - Kidnap A Whole Body
Open menu
This site requires javascript to function.

“W-What an evil child! Look at the scene here!”

Well, tickle my scrotum and call me Sussy. This is what I was trying to avoid. I just knew it was coming.

****

Long Di looked to where the voice came from to see a group of cultivators staring at him with unkind expressions.

They wore different robes and differed in age by a wide margin. It was obvious at a glance that they didn’t come from the same power.

Yet, Long Di and the others recognised some of these people. Some of them were, if not all of them, from the Ren’duan Dwelling. Some were from the group inside, while the others were those on the outside.

“Pebbles, I bet you one leg from the magical beast I’ll cook in the future that they are here for two things. Bullshit reason incoming in about ten seconds.”

Pebbles the Wondercat’s ears twitched at this challenge. “You’re on! I say they’re after three things, with a bullshit reason incoming at fifteen seconds. They’re not smart enough to think of something believable in ten seconds. Ha!”

“C-Can I get in on this?” Shen Ling raised a hand.

“What do you got Prime Waifu?” Pebbles asked her.

“One thing, twenty seconds. I’ve been counting on average how long it takes them to think of a reason thus far.”

“Oooh smart,” Long Di nodded. “Using local statistics to get a somewhat concrete number.”

“I’d like to weigh in,” Xiannu Liang spoke up, not wanting to be left behind. “I’m with Long Di on two things as well, but I’d like to take on Brother-in-law Pebbles the Wondercat’s time at fifteen seconds.”

“Qin Ling, you’d like to get in on the action?” Long Di asked her.

“I-I’m sorry?” Qin Ling was a bit confused on what they were talking about.

“Ah,” Pebbles saw what was happening here. “It looks like she’s still deep in the tropes, Long Di. It’ll take a while to educate her. Surely waifu #3 needs some work. Waifu #2, though not comparable to the Prime Waifu, is proving why she’s coming in second.”

“What!?” The elder cultivator who spoke didn’t know what they were saying, but he could swear they were being insulted somehow.

Long Di looked at his wrist as if counting down on a watch. “Right, so you want to kill me, which I’d like the reason for. We’d also like to know what you want from us in return for living and whatnot. Aaaand go!”

The group of cultivators were dumbstruck at this.

Why did they feel like they were completely seen through?

Did he have to call them out like this?

Weren’t they moving too fast!?

Couldn’t he ask them out for dinner first!?

Long Di looked to Pebbles before asking, “Does the normal timeframe still apply since calling them out somehow did the impossible and slaughtered the remaining brain cell that was dying of starvation, thirst, and sickness whilst watching the series ‘Velma.’ Which, I’d like to say, is a fate worse than death.”

“Oh, don’t remind me!” Mina’s face changed colour when she recalled that train wreck.

“Oh no you don’t Long Di,” Pebbles smiled. “You should’ve taken that into consideration when you made the bet.”

“Y-You…” The cultivators were now all trembling with rage as they figured out, just the tiniest bit, that Long Di and his group were making fun of them.

“You dare to act like this when you’ve slaughtered an entire city!? This warrants death!”

“I’ll take that as them, declaring death. That’s gonna be 14.97 seconds. Let’s round that off to fifteen shall we.”

“I’m not complaining.” Long Di shrugged.

“You…! Puh!” That elder nearly coughed up blood when he realised Long Di was still ignoring them.

“Don’t mind us, just keep doing what you’re doing.” Xiannu Liang told them.

These people were all red-eyed at this moment but they forced themselves to calm down.

“For a Nymph to accompany such people speaks volumes that they have tainted your spirituality and life aura.”

“Here it comes,” Shen Ling stated.

“So!” They went on, not taking what Long Di and company were saying. “We are here to remove you from their presence.”

“You want a whole person!?” Shen Ling was surprised.

Did that count as one or two things? That could count as three, right? Did she win?

“So you want a Nymph,” Long Di nodded in understanding. “Is that all you want?”

This question he directed at the younger generation experts who accompanied this group of old men.

“Hand over the Nymph’s spiritual artefact!” yelled one brash youth.

As soon as he said this, the older men’s faces burned. They glared at him angrily. Did he not understand sophistry!?

By saying it like that, was it not obvious that they were just robbing them!?

“You know what? To be honest, I respect that.” Long Di said to the youth. “Very rarely do we get someone who just says I’m robbing you in broad daylight. Alright, are you ready?”

Long Di unsheathed his sabre and the lightning that spewed from it induced a sense of dread in them. The young cultivators paled, as it seemed that even a wayward bolt from this sabre would be able to kill them ten times over!

Immediately, the older cultivators took the vanguard and faced Long Di. They had no idea that the most dangerous existence here was seemingly the youngest one.

“What are you doing!?” One of the older cultivators asked.

“Getting ready to fight you, what else?” Long Di answered matter-of-factly.

“You didn’t tell us whether you accepted or declined our request.”

Long Di blankly looked at this elder for a good hot second, before he then looked at Pebbles to see the latter shaking his head disappointingly.

He then fixed his gaze back at the expert. “Is it safe for your IQ and shoe size to be the same?”

The elder’s face reddened in embarrassment. “You–”

“How could you possibly think I mean to say yes?”

“But I–”

“I even went as far as to overlook your abysmal reasoning for kidnapping a whole body. Then you decided to disappoint your parents even more by asking a question that I’m pretty sure qualifies you for a mental asylum, an institution that is sorely lacking might I add.”

“Did you need to say kidnap a body? I mean, if it’s kidnapping doesn’t that imply we are taking–”

“So you’re the kind of guy who will say that R-Kelly isn’t a paedophile but an ephebophile. You’re not wrong, but you’re real sus for trying to define it specifically.”

“I don’t know what this R-Kelly is, but it smells like urine somehow.”

“You’re not inaccurate.”

“Can we get on with this?” Pebbles lazily asked.

Krrrsh!

Getting the go ahead from his best friend, Long Di brandished his sabre, causing lightning to crackle and thunder to boom!

The elder who was arguing with Long Di put away his flustered expression and donned a more serious one when he saw this.

D-D-D-D-Dum!

Nine cauldrons erupted into existence. Seven were bronze and two were white. Star cores flashed a furious red and a terrible heat exploded from them!

“Junior, don’t throw your life away! Hand over the Nymph and live to see another day!”

“Elders don’t live your life robbing adolescent children!” Long Di replied with an attempted aggrieved look that failed horribly.

As soon as he said this, the elder stopped holding back and launched himself after Long Di. The other elders who were with him did the same.

As for the younger experts that were with them, they charged after Shen Ling and the others.

“Hmph!” Mina scoffed while exaggeratingly crossing her arms so much that her hands were touching her back. She then looked down at the charging youths with her nose. “This goddess doesn’t even need to make a move. Shen Ling, Xiannu Liang get em!”

Both Shen Ling and Xiannu Liang gave Mina a side-eye glance when she said this. Why was she saying this like she would fight otherwise?

Mina lost at life, how was she to fight against these experts?

The elders who charged at Long Di all released the restraints on their power, and their auras shot up into the sky, causing the land to tremble!

D-D-D-D-D-Dum!

Nine black crystalline cauldrons emerged into reality before a powerful pressure unfurled.

When the elders felt this, their eyes opened wide in shock.

A cold and unfeeling voice echoed out.

“So I’ll just beat your asses cuz chances are you’re here to tell me something important-ish. Tropes and all that nonsense.”

Translator Notes

I have pink eye. Yeah I'm just getting right into it. It hurts like hell, this is the second time in my life and it doesn't hurt less. I want to kill something, gouge out my eyes and then stuff them down the throat of whatever I killed. Since I will not be able to write for a few days probably, I ask, nay, beg you guys to be patient with me while I suffer in recovery. Chapters will still be published today though.

Novel Notes

Become a Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/Discere

Also

Keep me from embarking on the Dao of procrastination (it's a real problem) at: https://discord.gg/abpW7G9Wks